My child is being bullied: what to do in the first 24 hours

If your child is being bullied, the first thing to do is stay calm, listen properly and make them feel safe telling you. Then start writing down what has happened, contact the school in a measured way, and begin building your child’s confidence at home so they are not left waiting for adults to fix everything.

I was bullied as a child, and I know how powerless it can feel for the child and for the parent watching. The good news is that there is a lot you can do, starting today. In my book “Not a Victim” I set out six steps that help children stop feeling like a target. This article walks you through them, along with a simple plan for the first 24 hours.

The first 24 hours: what to do straight away

When your child first tells you, or you discover it yourself, how you react matters more than anything you say later. Children often hold back because they are worried about being told off, about making things worse, or about upsetting you.

1. Listen without interrupting. Let them tell the whole story. Keep your face and voice calm, even if you feel angry inside.
2. Thank them for telling you. Say clearly that it is not their fault and that telling you was brave and the right thing to do.
3. Check they are safe. If there is any physical harm, threats, or anything involving images or abuse, contact the school immediately and, where needed, the police or your GP.
4. Write it down tonight. Note the date, what happened, where, who was involved and who saw it, while it is fresh.
5. Do not confront the other child or their parents. It almost always escalates things and can make your child’s day harder.
6. Agree a next step together. Tell your child what you plan to do, such as speaking to their teacher, so nothing happens behind their back.

Step 1 and 2: perception and presentation

Perception is about how your child sees the bully. Children who bully are often struggling themselves, whether that is with problems at home, insecurity or a need to feel in control. Helping your child see this does not excuse the behaviour, but it takes away some of its power. The bully stops being a giant and becomes a person with their own problems.

Presentation is about how your child carries themselves. Bullies tend to pick on children who look unsure. Practise these at home:

• Standing tall with shoulders back and head up
• Making steady eye contact rather than looking at the floor
• Speaking in a calm, clear voice that is loud enough to be heard
• Walking with purpose in the playground and corridors

In our programmes I see children change almost overnight once they learn to stand like someone who expects to be respected.

Step 3 and 4: preparation and practice

Preparation means giving your child a few short, assertive responses that do not escalate the situation. Long arguments or clever insults usually make things worse. Simple works best, for example:

• “Stop. I don’t like that.”
• “That’s not okay. Leave me alone.”
• “Whatever,” followed by calmly walking towards a friend or an adult

Practice is where it becomes real. Role-play at home for a few minutes at a time. You play the bully, your child practises standing tall, making eye contact and using their line, then walking away. Swap roles so they can see what confident body language looks like from the outside. Keep it light and praise effort. The aim is that when the moment comes, their body already knows what to do.

Step 5: produce an incident log

An incident log turns “my child is unhappy” into clear information the school can act on. Keep it in a notebook or on your phone and record:

• The date and time
• Where it happened (classroom, playground, school bus, online)
• Exactly what was said or done
• Who was involved and who saw it
• How your child felt and any effect afterwards, such as not wanting to go to school
• What you reported, to whom, and what they said they would do

Encourage older children to keep their own log too. It helps them feel in control, and patterns often become obvious after a week or two.

How to work with the school

Most schools want to help, and you will get much further working with them than against them. Every school should have an anti-bullying policy, so ask for a copy.

1. Start with the class teacher or form tutor. Ask for a short meeting rather than raising it at the school gate.
2. Bring your incident log. Facts are far more persuasive than feelings, and they keep the conversation calm.
3. Ask what will happen next. Agree specific actions, such as extra supervision at break time or a trusted adult your child can go to.
4. Follow up in writing. Send a brief email summarising what was agreed, so everyone is clear.
5. Review after a week or two. If nothing has changed, ask to speak to the head of year, the head teacher or the designated safeguarding lead.

If your child’s safety is at risk or the bullying involves threats, assault or sharing images, speak to the police. If your child is so anxious that they cannot sleep, eat or attend school, speak to your GP.

Step 6: persevere with a positive community

School should not be the only place your child gets their sense of who they are. A positive community outside school, where they are known, encouraged and good at something, builds resilience that carries back into the playground. It might be a sports team, a scout group, music or martial arts. What matters is that they have friends, adults who believe in them and regular proof that they can do hard things.

Perseverance also applies to you. Building confidence is not a single conversation. Keep practising, keep logging and keep talking.

How martial arts helps with bullying

I started The Warrior Academy in the village of Rode in Somerset because of what I went through as a child. Our martial arts and character development programmes for children aged 4 and up are built around the three Cs: confidence, conduct and concentration. Children practise standing tall, using a calm, strong voice and handling pressure in a safe setting, every single week. Working towards coloured belts through gradings gives them goals they can reach, and a community of friends who cheer them on.

You can find our programmes at the Character Development Centre in Salisbury and Amesbury, at Monkton Prep School in Bath, and in Rode, near Frome and Trowbridge. If you would like to see whether it suits your child, you can book a free taster.

Key takeaways

• Stay calm, listen fully and tell your child it is not their fault.
• Start an incident log from day one and bring it to the school.
• Teach confident body language and two or three short, assertive responses.
• Role-play at home so your child’s reactions become automatic.
• Build a positive community outside school to grow lasting resilience.